I've determined that answering the phone is bad for you.
Okay, so, maybe it isn't bad for everyone, but it is for me. My phone ringing can actually cause me anxiety. Not always, but often enough.
I hate hearing words I don't want to hear so much that I think I've actually decided, subconsciously, that I could avoid all kinds of things if I didn't answer my phone! I usually do answer my phone, of course, because that's the necessary thing to do - but I don't want to much of the time. If you know me well, you know I almost never check my voicemail. I hate it. I am realizing today, though, that there's probably an actual reason behind that. I've vaguely wondered why I avoided messages or felt nervous by calls, but I haven't given it much thought. I get many more normal phone calls than not, so I guess I haven't given the phone calls I hate the credit they deserve. It must be like negative comments - one negative carries as much power as 10 positive.
Today, when my phone rang and my heart started pounding, I fully realized the connection between messages/phone calls and my aversion. Calls have too often been life changing, unwelcome messages.
I'm going to have to work on my anxiety, but, seriously, can you blame me for wanting to ignore things that have brought such bad news, too many times? And, sure enough, today's phone call wasn't great. The ambulance had to come pick up Joel because of some problems with his heart, which at this point we believe was caused by some medicine. I'll find out more from Wendy later.
Today's call made me think of another Sunday afternoon when we received a call informing us that our very incredible, precious nephew had been in an accident and killed. His brother was in the same accident and hurt very badly. I will never forget the heartbreak in my sister-n-laws voice, or how a normal day turned horrific so fast. And there have been other calls, as well.
So, yep, I guess it makes sense that I'm phone-shy. I just find it so interesting that there are things that go on within us that we don't always recognize. I don't think I will ever cease to be amazed at the connection between mind and body. It is incredible how intricately God made us.
It's good that I am becoming aware of what affects me, and it will give me a chance to get over that hurdle. But, with Joel being sick right now, it's going to be harder. I would much prefer to take this aversion of phone calls as far as I can -- no news is good news, I always say! :). Unfortunately, hiding isn't the answer to things I fear, even though it sounds tempting, so I can't give into the desire for denial. :/
I could take this time to remind everyone that if they called me more often, I wouldn't worry when their name shows up on my screen, but I won't. :) The other day, I actually had my knees almost buckle when I was carrying my lunch plate at work, because my niece, who hasn't called me for so long, was ringing in! It's not that I've called her either( I've been bad about that), but I felt such huge relief when she just wanted to ask me about homeschooling, haha! :)
I really, really do hope that we get some exciting phone calls in the future of healing and blessings --- so maybe everytime I feel anxious I should just take that time to pray for Joel's healing and my dad's health.
When I find out more about what happened with Joel today, I will pass it on. And, for those of us that receive phone calls, whom I know have the same apprehension, don't fear! God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. II Tim. 2:7
P.S. Text messages don't cause the same anxiety. Weird.