Written by my mom, a woman who leads others with strength and grace:
REFLECTING ON 2011
In one way the year 2011 passed quickly - one year ago today Joel had his
cancer surgery. Where did the year go?
In other ways it went agonizingly slow - the painful cycle of praying,
hoping, waiting, trying to stay focused on the duties at hand, hope
dashed, hope renewed, more waiting, praying continuously.......and then
hollow grief.
It isn't as if I haven't experienced similar years. Joel was our fifth
son to leave us and be with Jesus. Each time more of my heart is torn
away and I am left a different person. What is the purpose? I don't
know.
I Thessalonians 5:8, "In everything give thanks for this is the will of
God in Christ concerning you."
Give thanks, Lord? When it seems all is going wrong? The hot water
heater burned out, the well pump quit working the same day, the pressure
tank sprung a leak and the basement is flooded. They say we need a new
well and now our car chose this moment to give up......
"In everything give thanks, my child...."
But my son-in-law is out of work, my daughter is not well, my son is
stretched to the limit with his job and concern for his parents and
family......my daughter-in-law lost her beloved husband, four
grandchildren lost their daddy. I grieve for them all. Give thanks,
Lord?
"In everything give thanks....."
Give thanks, Lord when the doctors say my husband has dimentia? When
another son has been taken and our family has once again been left with a
gaping hole? Give thanks in all this?
"In everything........."
But, Lord, these things hurt; they worry and weary me. I don't feel like
giving thanks. It sounds silly to say, "Thank you, Lord, for letting my
child die and thank You, God, that dimentia has robbed my husband of
being able to share in my grief. And, by the way, God, while we were
battling life and death issues, thank You for allowing all those other
things to go wrong and no means or money to fix them."
My dear, misunderstanding child, I did not say give thanks for
everything......I said, In everything give thanks. In the midst of the
storm, when your lips cannot form the words, will your heavy heart to
thank Me. By doing this you put Me in control of everything. In return
I give you My peace and joy.
"In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ
concerning you."
Thank You, Blessed Lord, that You are my Comforter in my time of sorrow.
Only You understand the depth of a mother's grief and You shed the first
tear.
Thank You, Dear Father, that You are our Provider. You supply all our
needs according to Your riches in Christ Jesus. The universe is Yours.
You have your faithful servants at the ready - waiting obediently to help
in our time of need.
And, thank You for being the Protector of me and my family. We are Your
children and nothing can befall us except it first pass through Your
loving hands.
I thank You, Precious Lord, that You are my Refuge and Strength. In my
weakness, You are strong.
And, last but not least, I thank You that You are my constant Companion.
Though the road be rugged and uncertain You are there and will never
leave me nor forsake me.
What lies ahead for 2012? I don't know, but I do know that He is my
Deliverer for He promised, "Many are the afflictions of the righteoeus:
but the Lord delivers him out of them all." Ps.34:19. And, I can give
thanks in the middle of any circumstance for this is the will of God in
Christ concerning me.
Audrey Prairie
1-18-12
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